It has been said that suicide is not to end life, but to end pain.

In a previous article about personality disorders I made reference to goldbrickers, fakers. What I write about today is not fake and the many teens experiencing deep emotional pain are in real trouble.

In a previous article Student Self-destruct, I touched on self-harm and help resources.

For students today, there is much more opportunity for emotional pain than ever before. Teens can be picked on through the internet, social networking sites, email.

The recent suicide of a young Ottawa boy brings it home. What really brings it home is his blog, which at the moment of this writing, is still up. Here is a newspaper article, which in turn references other papers and articles and the blog itself.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/17/jamie-hubley-commits-suicide_n_1015646.html.
The blog, at http://catchmeblondy.tumblr.com/, has mature subject matter and language. Why do we say that when it is a 15 year old who wrote it and the blog is read by other teens. I really don't know. Perhaps, more for the parents.
11/11/19: His blog is gone, here is a tribute blog and another one here. This is his last blog entry a few days before he died.
A Facebook page was set up in honor of the boy, Jamie. Too late though. So many didn't know.

Bullying seems to have played a role, but to what extent, no one is sure now. Self-harm was admitted to as well - cutting.

Death is forever. That may sound obvious, but for many teens it is not. It is a long dreamless sleep that you don't have to wake from.

Teens have killed themselves for generations. In the past, it was never attributed. Now it is.

If the pain had been shared with a caring person, or even a total stranger, it may end differently. Sometimes the total stranger can help in ways not possible with a friend, peer, parent or counselor.
But sharing the pain has to begin with the person feeling it. Many teens want people to mind-read them, and are so disappointed when it doesn't happen. Reaching out by blog, phone call, email or just getting a chance to talk face-to-face with another person is so important. However, social sites are not a good idea.

A fairly radical change of behaviour or lifestyle is usually indicative of mental or emotional issues that cannot be dealt with by the teen. Physical indicators are gaining or losing noticeable weight over a short period of time. Mood swings and self-harm can be observed as well.

To those who see the changes and realize there is a problem, we can offer help, usually by committing to active listening participation, which can be most important.

I once had a friend that I knew in childhood and as an adult and he had attempted suicide five or six times by the time he was sixteen. The last time, at sixteen, landed him in the hospital in a coma for a week. Those were the days when it was not talked about, ever. There was no internet, email, etc. There was the telephone and getting together in person only. Why was he so depressed? He would not share that for many years. But share one day he did. He had been assaulted when he was six years old and the assaults continued while he was seven. The family moved to a different province and city and it stopped. He was given a dog which he fell in love with. They were inseparable. About a year later the dog was run over in their quiet neighbourhood. He was picked up from school that day by both parents. He should have known there was something wrong. He was told on the way home. The body of the dog was in the garage. He ran to the dog and hugged the crushed lifeless body and cried and cried. He went in the house. The depression that his dog had helped so much to dispel came back with a vengeance and lasted for the next 8 years. He was never "right" after that. He never cried again. He forgot his childhood, as if it had never existed. He was mostly an automation. He did manage to control his thoughts and emotions but not until he was in his twenties. It still took decades to really get a grip on living. This is a person who never had help and yet managed to survive. He said though that survival has not ever been a top priority, but that he would not consciously try to kill himself after the last time at sixteen.

Is teen depression a problem? Oh yes. Not the blip in an otherwise good emotional state. We are talking a severe, as in long-lasting, depression. The longer it lasts, the more one thinks that there is no out. If the good days outnumber the bad days, there seems to be a hole, or a way out. However, if the bad days continue, with rejection, bullying, deterrence, discouragement, dismay, intimidation, scaring - well, the depression can become so deep and all-encompassing that the teen is like a zombie - existing without feeling. Unfortunately, when feeling returns, it returns with a huge impact and force, and that can indeed be the last straw. It then become just easier to end the pain, for good.

What does fatal depression feel like? It doesn't. There is an absence of feeling. There is only a decision made and relief that is is done. Actually a sense of peace, an evening out, no destiny, no future, no people, no things, no day, no night - just slipping away into nothing. Not even blackness, just, nothing. I don't know how else to describe it. I suppose one has to be there and survive to know what nothing is.

Teens are really good at hiding their depression from others. But once alone, it all comes out.

Showing and sharing yourself, who you are, is incredibly scary and requires courage. Telling your story (feelings) to another requires courage, or desperation. But sometimes, in desperation, the wrong choice is made. Jamie's pain was exacerbated by the shunning and rejection due to coming out of the closet and openly admitting he was gay. The only one in school. This day in age it is still not a good idea to admit openly that you are gay. If you like being hit, spit at, cursed, threatened, ostracized, looked down upon, laughed at, made fun of and so on then sure. But in most parts of the country, no, not a good idea.

Can bullying be legislated away? Nope. There are probably more bullies now than ever before. They have simply gone "underground". Laws were made for adults, which kids are also supposed to follow. Hmmm, perhaps we need kid laws. Here is an interesting snippet from Edmonton Public School Board regarding student behaviour.
3. Students shall show respect for:
# school authority;
# others and their property;
# ethnic, racial, religious, and gender differences;
# school attendance and punctuality;
# work habits, assignments and homework;
# school property;
# textbooks and equipment;
# fire alarms and safety equipment; and
# district policies relating to smoking, alcohol, drugs and inhalants.
Most students don't care. In schools today, there is sensitivity training. Really.

Some pundits say, "it gets better". No, it doesn't.

The only person who can possibly help you in your depression, is the person you tell. Share the pain. It actually does help, more than you would think.

Remember: Kids Help Line - 800-668-6868

Good listening... Good understanding...

Cheers - Mike

By the way, here is the Edmonton Public School Board official suicide policy called, "Edmonton Public Schools Board Policies and Regulations - Student or Staff Suicide". It seems more of a butt-covering document than anything else.

Please see this interesting article as well, Pediatrician urges no blame for bullying

And this article, should bullying be considered a hate crime?
In my opinion - no. It's a superiority attitude with no patience for perceived inferior beings. Basically, a learned attitude.
Some say bullying is a "public health problem". What have they been smoking? Get a grip.

Student Personality Disorders - Scapegoat Thinking?

I was going to write about Education Paradise Lost but then I realized very few people think of furthering their education as paradise.

Children manipulate adults. It is a given. How well they do depends on the adult. On the other hand, some kids do not know what is happening to them. Some know what is happening but do not know why, or how to stop. They actually do need help because they really cannot help themselves. However, there are those who are using something that cannot be measured, like a peculiar mental condition, as an excuse for poor behavior and other issues which may include laziness and the "I don't want to do that" attitude.

Here is a small list of 21st century student issues and resource sites.

List of children's disorders
"Official" childhood disorders (and more coming all the time):
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/childbehaviordisorders.html

Learning Disabilities in Children
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/learning_disabilities.htm

Children's Mental Health Resource List
http://www.nmha.org/go/children

Mental Illness in Children
http://www.medicinenet.com/mental_illness_in_children/article.htm

Mental Health Disorders - all ages
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=section&id=4&Itemid=27

Disabilities
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/disabilities/

A List of Psychological Disorders
http://psychology.about.com/od/psychotherapy/tp/list-of-psychological-disorders.htm

Good luck to us all with 21st century ailments and no solutions to speak of. Understanding the student is big. However, learning and understanding takes so much time and resources that the student becomes merely the test subject.

Well, universities need to output more shrinks. There are not enough now. The demand is outstripping supply.

What a world we live in today. I believe it will be a better world for most people, but not for some time. Meantime, we listen and learn and help occasionally, almost accidentally and unplanned.

Is it that so many people feel that other people should/must help them, instead of helping themselves? Perhaps. Is it that responsibility for oneself by oneself is something lost to/for this generation? Blame your sorry state on anything or anyone, but never yourself of course.

Perhaps we should be spending much more time on developing self-awareness and self-help knowledge and skills. Well, we'll see.

Person use in Education is slowing down. Technology use in Education is speeding up. The gap is widening actually. This is not a situation which can/should/will continue. It must be addressed by our Education "consultants" who must stop thinking/responding like many government workers.

Good learning...Good teaching...

Cheers - Mike