After watching my son in his first year of high school, I have learned about some kids in high school who are troubled teens and cope by hanging out with like-minded kids and miss an inordinate amount of classes. They have found high school to be more onerous that expected and don't have good coping skills. Almost always, their home life is not supportive. These kids are consistently missing classes. Some indicate a desire to go to a different, or alternative, school where there is much less structure. They also feel out of place in their current school. Some of these kids are damaged in one way or another. Many have suffered physical or emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is much more common. They don't know what to do and most don't ask for help, or indeed, don't know how to ask for help.

Many of these kids don't want to stay at home as there is no perceived support there. They begin to stay over at friend's houses for longer than one night at a time.

This kid underground is hard to spot. The kids are not on the street. They move from one house to another, often under the guise of staying overnight and they will tell the host parents that it is ok with their own parents, which usually is not true. The host parents have their own troubles with their own kids and in trying to win them over, accept the extended stay of their kid's friends. One kid I'm aware of is 18 and is about 14-15 emotionally and hangs out with the troubled 14-15 year old kids because that is where his head is at this time. That is where his comfort level is. Most, almost all, of these kids do drugs. They feel better, are happier, when on drugs. They hang out a lot at malls and stay there for hours on end. They do not have jobs of any kind and many steal money from parents and siblings. Most of these kids are not aggressive individually. In a group setting they are usually not aggressive but are louder and follow easily. They are susceptible to being recruited by drug dealers, who cruise malls looking for just these types of kids.

These kids are our future high school dropouts. and for a few, our future drug dealers and hookers.

What to do? Get Parents/Guardians involved - BUT! I talked with one single parent and she advised not to get Children and Family Services involved because it would look bad on her and she has 2 other younger kids to look after as well. So the oldest (15) troubled boy is left to fend for himself. And he left home and is one of the invisible kids who stays with friends here and there and misses classes and exams at school.

Great...so some parents don't want to get involved helping their kids when everything they have tried doesn't work. Most parents are too close to be objective, and fall back to yelling and berating the kid. That is why an outside person can be of great help. The person can listen objectively to both parents and teen and recommend a course of action. Children and Family Services people have the expertise, if only they were called. School councilors are another great resource who for the most part are ignored by parents even if the teen has asked them for help.

This problem cannot be fixed overnight, but I believe it can be fixed.
As usual though, parents really need to help too. The resources are there, the kids want help - who is holding the bag?

Well, we could start by building the self esteem of these kids. We could start by providing a safe place where these kids could gather and just be themselves. We could provide a kid hostel for kids who don't want to live at home, and don't want to live on the street. We could create a Facebook friends page in their support. We could create local YouTube videos on coping strategies and other topics relevant and appropriate to these kids. We could...

Time is slipping by and the kids are still out there. Perhaps we could start with just one kid. Then that teen tells another, and perhaps word of mouth will help create a new fostering, helpful environment for these kids. But, they still need a place to go to, other than a mall.

Is there a solution? Of course, but it is not a single solution. It is a multi-part approach. One student - many resources.

First things first. Most of these kids have given up, and I don't say that lightly. We need to turn that around, and we can, if we care enough. Will the teen listen? With the right, or appropriate approach, I believe the answer is yes. That means being open-minded, and start with open-ended statements and questions. A smile and a soft voice go a long way too.

This topic can go on and on but let's start here and add to it as we go along.

Good listening...

Cheers - Mike